My life is a nightmare. My horrible mother never liked me and much preferred my two brothers. She was also awful to our father, nagging, criticising and undermining him at every opportunity. She even encouraged my brothers to follow her lead which they largely did until they went abroad four years ago. My father never reacted to her insults and took her behaviour quietly or so we thought. When he died nearly a year ago he wrought his revenge. His will states that he has left a small amount to me and the rest goes to a charity that he has supported all his life. There was nothing to my mother or siblings. He explained that he had suffered from her and my brothers quite enough and none of them, especially my mother deserved anything from him after his death.
My mother, of course, immediately accused me of collaborating with him, which I did not. I knew nothing about his plans. My brothers aren’t bothered. She told relatives and family friends that I controlled his will and that she won’t have anything to do with me.
I haven’t seen her since my father died but now she is ill and I am being pressurised by relatives to help look after her. I absolutely don’t won’t to but the stress of it all is really getting to me.
OUR COMMENTS
It is very sad that you have lost your father, who was kind to you, especially as you grew up with such an unpleasant mother. His will clearly shows what he felt about your mother. It was inevitable she would blame you and is trying to milk sympathy because he didn’t leave her a legacy.
It is very likely that your relatives and family friends have, over the years, been aware of your mother’s bad behaviour. If they still want to remain close to her it is not in your best interests to make any effort to stay in touch with them. If you keep well away you are also protected from knowing what her allegations are. If, however, you want to justify your father’s decisions, make sure they are aware that the bulk of his estate went to his favourite charity. Your mother might not have mentioned that.
As your mother is refusing to have anything to do with you, you have no obligation to look after her. So ignore any pressure from relatives. Instead try to deal with the stressful feelings you have over your mother’s reaction to the will. You may also feel caught between relief that your mother doesn’t want you to look after her and feeling guilty that you ought to. You could try to tell any relatives who do criticise you that they are welcome to talk to your mother about what she needs and decide what to do about them.
On a positive note it sounds that your life away from your mother is going quite well. We hope you continue build up your confidence and be yourself.
