My Father's Betrayal

I was horrified two weeks ago when my personal email suddenly became full of crude individuals asking me for a date. I also received phone calls and texts on my mobile from men I didn’t know, some accompanied by very vulgar pictures. It was both scary and annoying because I am a busy solicitor and always careful not to give out my personal mobile number to clients. Initially I was baffled as I have never done internet dating nor gone to an agency.

I discovered the culprit at a family wedding a few weeks later when my father came up to me and asked me with a smirk whether I NOW had a boyfriend. He went on to admit he had placed adverts on a few dating sites and gave my personal details as he thought it was time I got married. I was furious but his explanation was: ‘Someone has to sort you out if you don’t.’

I am 27 years old and as far as my bullying father is concerned, on the shelf with no hope of finding a husband and giving him the grandchildren he insists he deserves.

Over the last couple of years when we meet, which isn’t often, he always interrogates me about whether or not I have a boyfriend. Most of the time I say ‘no’ because it’s easier and helps keep him off my back. Unfortunately it didn’t work as he regularly asks what’s wrong with me, tells me his view why I have failed personally and states it’s no wonder no-one wants to marry me.

I could ignore it when it was just between the two of us but his latest behaviour and intrusion is unforgiveable. I have had to change my email and my mobile number which as you can imagine is a nightmare. I want to cut all ties with him. PLEASE tell me I am doing the right thing.

OUR COMMENTS

His behaviour is an appalling breach of trust. It is dreadful that your father, who should be your number one protector, has set you up in this way. You are absolutely right to change your contact details and although it’s a nuisance, it’s less complex than deciding how to deal with your father. There are some options and it’s worth considering them thoroughly and trying to foresee any consequences. However, before you take action it might be worth thinking through how a close member of your family might react to hearing what he has done and if you think they could offer some good advice.

One option is for you to take several steps back and only occasionally be in touch with him by email or phone.

Another is to cut all ties with him, one which many people in your situation would choose. Again before you do this, consider whether it will make him change his behaviour. You should also look forward to a time when you may have your own children and what you might feel about him seeing them, something which he would clearly want and how he would he feel if you refused to let him have any place in their lives.

If after all this careful thought you decide to cut you ties, remember you will not be the only daughter to behave in this way. Instead you are doing all you can to protect yourself and your future family.