Christmas without Dad.

I was so sad when Dad and Mum split up  two years ago.    I was heartbroken.  I got on with him so much better than with Mum who was always criticising me.  He used to call me his “little darling” even when I was fully grown.

So I really missed him when he didn’t make contact for a month.  He then confessed that he had met someone else and had moved in with her and her two children. Both girls.

I was quite shocked and rather jealous.  I kept ringing him asking when he was free but he kept  putting me off.   Eventually we met up in a café and he brought his girlfriend along.  She seemed okay but  kept pawing Dad and didn’t ask anything about me.  She obviously wasn’t interested.  Nor did she  seem to understand that I wanted to talk to Dad on my own. 

Last Christmas I asked if I could spend time with him perhaps go on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve.  He put me off again and just sent me a voucher for Christmas which is the sort of thing you send to someone you don’t know.  Now this Christmas is nearly with us I’ve still not heard if I can go and see him. 

I feel heartbroken and totally abandoned and don’t know what to do.  Mum is still recovering from the split  and won’t talk about it.   We will probably go to my grandmother’s which will be pretty gloomy. 

It’s not easy to accept that your Dad is not around at Christmas time. You have clearly done your best to maintain your relationship with him but it doesn’t seem to have worked.   Perhaps he has been too preoccupied with his new relationship to think of your feelings. Maybe with the passage of time he might be more open to making contact this year. 

It is also possible that his girlfriend feels uncomfortable about the relationship you and he had and he feels awkward talking to you on the phone when she is around.  Try contacting him by email and keep  the conversation light and friendly. It  might lead to him agreeing to meet up again, perhaps on neutral ground, like a cafe.

If your mother feels less resentful and puts your needs first, could she broach the subject for you with your dad?   Even though Christmas at your grandmother's  sounds dull, she will probably be delighted to see you and it's probably better than just spending it with your mother.  Over the Christmas period try to see friends  as much as possible to reduce the  chance of too much tension.  Or try taking lots of long walks.