Choosing Your Life's Partner

I’ve been with my girlfriend for the last nine months.  She now wants to move in with me but I keep making excuses.   She’s fine, in fact she’s better than fine, but I am secretly terrified that she will turn into my mother.

My mother was definitely a horrid parent.  Forever putting me down, losing her temper over the least thing, constantly critical and lots more that I read on the my horrid parent website. 

I’ve worked really hard to build up my confidence, be positive and enjoy my life.  I’ve got a great career, lots of friends and when I go to their homes I see how family life can work very well.

BUT  it’s a big step for me to live with someone and risk it all going wrong.

While we don’t know your girlfriend or you we gently recommend asking yourself the following questions. 

Does she know and understand what a difficult childhood you had?

Is she sympathetic?

Does she respond to your mother, we assume they have met, in a way that makes you feel supported?

Is she happy to talk through your issues with your mother?

Does she compliment you on the things you do and say?

Does she criticise you?

Has she seen the real you, anxiety and all?

If you want children do you think she would make a loving mother?

We believe that any child who has had a difficult parent needs a caring partner who will make them feel good about themselves.  It can make a world of difference to your life going forwards. 

If on the other hand if her behaviour reminds you of your mother steer clear and don’t get too involved.