When you are being unfairly criticised or blamed for something that was not your fault it will lead to a number of intense and complicated feelings. You may feel hurt, confused, angry and even scared. These feelings are normal even though it is unfair that you are being made to experience these.

How do you respond to these strong emotions? Do you tend to argue back? To freeze with fear? To run out of the room? Whatever your reaction is, when you are calm again it will help to think about how you can protect yourself next time.

It is important to look after yourself and find ways to put up a defence. Your parent is unlikely to change their behaviour but you can add more helpful ways of fending off some of their worst attacks.

Consider some of these ideas:

Imagine the you have a protective shield around you so their nasty ‘arrows’ bounce off

Try to avoid arguing back

Avoid repeating your defensive explanations as they won’t be heard

Make an excuse and leave the room calmly

Plan some soothing activities after a row

We have more ideas on the ‘Coping’ page of the website so take a look