For decades now my mother has insisted that my sister and I take her out for a lavish meal on Mother’s Day. We both have the same negative feelings about her and agree how difficult she is. I’m very worried about the coronavirus and although at 68 she doesn’t have to self-isolate, I don’t want to put myself or my children at risk by going to a restaurant.
My sister feels it’s important that we do go, saying she may not be with us for long if she catches the virus. I’ve suggested she goes without me but she’s taken a strong stand and says it is my duty to go too and that a card or bunch of flowers just will not do.
My sister has more of our mother’s characteristics that I do and I know if I don’t agree with her on what she feels is a very important issue she will not want anything more to do with me. Can you help me please?
OUR COMMENTS
Your mother and sister want something that goes right against current advice for managing coronavirus. You are absolutely right not to take any risks with your family. Nor, despite her views, would you want to endanger your elderly mother.
Mother’s Day can be incredibly complicated for anyone who has a difficult mother. The more so as you have an additional problem with your sister. Although both of you may agree about your mother’s behaviour you don’t have to react in exactly the same way. Your sister may feel that flowers and a card are not enough, but that doesn’t mean you have to as well. If you choose to give her something rather than have a meal together it’s your right to do so. She will make her own mind up whether or not she will be grateful.
You also seem threatened by your sister’s reaction, which is one reason why you feel you have to fall in line with her and you mother’s plans. We suggest that you think carefully about your relationship with your sister and whether you want to continue to feel bullied by her. You may prefer to distance yourself somewhat from the relationship. Once you have thought it through try to discuss your feelings with your sister.