My father has always criticised me for something.  As a result I am not very confidence and tend to be quite withdrawn. We have a strange relationship because he is not horrid all the time.  With friends and sometimes with my brother and me he is great company, full of jokes and wise sayings.  I admit I like him like that but hate it when he mocks me.

My problem is that every long term boyfriend I have had, and they haven’t been many, turns out to be just like him. Once I realise the similarities I immediately break off the relationship as I couldn’t bear to have a husband who could make me as unhappy as my father has done.   What is it that draws me to replicate his characteristics? 

I am 35 now and long to settle down and build a family but I am so scared of making a big mistake.  Can you help? 

OUR COMMENTS 

Perhaps you are drawn to people who share the engaging characteristics of your father, but find they begin to criticise you once you get to know them. It is also possible that you give out signals that make you vulnerable to domineering men.  It is nonetheless a positive sign that once you are aware of the negative qualities of your father in your boyfriend, you walk away from the relationship. 

To change this we suggest you start building up your sense of self-confidence and self worth. You probably know what you want from life and believe in yourself to be able to find your inner strength. The advantage of this will increase the chances that you will put off people who might want to use their own power to overwhelm you.

 While you are building up your confidence start looking for different qualities in men.  Rather than fall for those who want to entertain you, seek out those who are more interested in getting to know what you are really like.