Most families have their own traditions at Christmas, but a horrid parent can stick so rigidly to their way of doing things that they won’t adapt to any changes or newcomers to the family.
If you are hosting Christmas at your own home it is easier to choose what traditions and changes you’d like to make. But please be tactful. .
Before Christmas Day make a list of what family traditions you, your husband and children find difficult and those you prefer. The latter is particularly important if you have a new baby, a fractious toddler or a teenager. It’s a good idea to suggest a time for opening present when small children won’t be too tired but be aware that bedtime routines can annoy a horrid parent and can be a trigger for an argument. Other changes could be moving Christmas dinner from lunch-time to later in the day. Traditions like going to church, or watching the Queen’s speech could also be resolved by agreeing that not everyone has to join in everything.
Once you’ve worked out your likes and dislikes try to find a good moment to talk it all through with your horrid parent. Go gently and offer to compromise.
If you are visiting your in-laws and one of them is horrid, especially if it will be your first Christmas with them, talk it through carefully with your partner in advance so you are prepared.
ROWS
Rows are bound to happen and can be triggered in many different ways. Make a list of the most common Christmas rows you have experienced and before Christmas Day practice neutral comments like: “How interesting to hear your view” , “What a shame you feel like that” or “How about a cup of tea?”
Whatever the subject matter is don’t get involved. Even if you just want to change the subject count to ten before you speak.
If your small child is in the room, take them out. If your teenager is the cause of a row because the horrid parent doesn’t like their hairstyle or tattoos try using one of your neutral phrases. If a row is brewing you could quickly escape by going for a walk.
Other advice is:
Don’t drink too much before you arrive or during the Christmas celebrations. It will make it easier to handle disagreements.
Don’t feel to have to interfere or join in disagreements between other family members.
Remind yourself that everyone has personal issues.
Don’t use the occasion to bring up old arguments.
Concentrate on how you feel rather than criticising how another family member is feeling.
Don’t take things too personally.
If there is inevitably going to be a row at your family Christmas don’t tie yourself in knots trying to avoid it. Your horrid parents may be determined to be unpleasant.