VISITS

If your difficult parent lives some distance away you need to accept in advance that you may have to stay over. If this sounds too much, ask a neighbour or relative if they could put you up.  Alternatively you could try to book a room in a nearby pub.    

Otherwise try to keep the visit as short as possible.  In advance make sure you tell your horrid parent what time you need to leave.  Have a proper plan that sounds genuine, for example that your teenager has to be elsewhere or you have some work to do.   

During your visit try to ensure there are various activities that could shift a bad mood or atmosphere. As well as preparing food, clearing up and regular family traditions, you could suggest  watching a particular TV programme or a dvd you have brought with you. You could go for a walk, offer to visit an elderly neighbour, or play a non-competitive game. Try to find a quiet space to retreat to if you feel over emotional or stressed. 

You also need an escape plan, if things become really unpleasant. Check with your family that they agree that it is too much to handle and want to go home. Then calmly tell your horrid parent that you’re leaving as you are not prepared to stay for any more unpleasantness.   You could thank her for any good Christmas moments so far.  

 MIXING CULTURES 

Sometimes non-Christians like to incorporate some Christian traditions into their family life, even if it is just having a Christmas tree. 

Be aware that although this could be welcome in some families but frowned on in others. . 

If your family is gathering together over Christmas don’t surprise a. religious parent by introducing Christian customs and food as they may be upset.    It’s best to gently suggest in advance what you would like to do, see how it is received and then decide whether to go ahead. You could decide it would be best to  wait until you have your own family and home.