PRESENTS  

Be realistic about your budget, don’t be pressured into spending more than you can afford and certainly don’t feel ashamed.  If your horrid parent hates surprises ask what they would like.  They will be pleased to be in control.    

If a horrid grandparent shows blatant favouritism to one child take any other children aside, tell them you don’t approve of unfair favouritism and you will make sure they don’t miss out.   

Don’t get emotional about what you buy.  It’s unlikely to change your horrid parent’s attitude towards you and that  you are unlikely to get thanks for anything that you do. 

 Good ideas  

If there are lots of presents to buy, try to organise a Secret Santa – a group of family or friends join together to buy just one gift for one member of the group.  All names are put into a hat, each person takes one and buys that person a gift.  Alternatively buy a combined present with your siblings, but agree on a price limit first.  

Donate what you would spend on a present for your difficult parent to a good cause like a favourite charity or make a monthly payment towards the care of an animal or child.  Vouchers for the cinema, theatre or restaurant meal can also work well.   

Bad ideas 

Don’t make anything yourself as this increases your chance of feeling hurt if your horrid parent is rude about it. It’s also risky to buy clothes, a book or some music unless you know exactly what the horrid parent wants  

 Attitude to presents

Be aware that a horrid parent might use presents as a manipulative device,  expect far too much from you or are the type who are never satisfied.  Be warned that your horrid parent may, as they have done before,  criticise your present in front of everyone or compare it unfavourably with something else they have be given.

If that happens try not to show you are upset.  Instead breathe deeply in and out and focus on something very positive in your life.  

 Remind your family that if this happens how you would like them to react or if you’d prefer them to say nothing.  

If your children want to make or choose presents for a horrid grandparent keep it  low key.  Tell them how proud you are of them but that their grandparent might not respond in the same way. Alternatively choose something together so that they don’t take any criticism personally. .